Convention Review: Amecon 2012 [3 Mile Walks and Backdoor Smashers]

About this time about two-three weeks ago I was at Keele University campus for Amecon 2012, my first Campus based convention. Two main things that stand out from a campus based convention is that there are less general public around and you'll have to do a fuckton of walking. That aside, it was quite enjoyable. It would have been more enjoyable if I hadn't broke my goddamn 2 litre stein when I checked in, but I guess it was karma for me not to walk around with more beer than is humanly logical.. Fuck you Karma. Fuck you.

The only major downside I found was the cost and the difference in facilities. You see, to pay a bit extra gets you a lot more however that cost to start with is already fucking painful to start with and you do run the risk of feeling like you didn't get your monies worth if you don't throw yourself into the deep end.

So lets get started!
Accommodation
Standard student halls. Okay so it's the most expensive part and you get a choice of ensuite or non. Personally I went ensuite because I like the option of hosing myself down after a technicolour yawn in case it's not as tidy as I had hoped. Having been through a variety of student accommodations in my heyday as a dirty student I can say it's pretty decent, albeit the motion sensitive "Jedi" showers were a fucking pain in the arse to operate/adjust. The rooms were tidy nonetheless and functional. They even gave a little kettle and tea/coffee thingies in the room which I thought were nice considering it was a university not a hotel.

Food
Breakfast was pretty fucking awesome. Seriously! Though the coffee was liquid shame the rest of it was on par with some of the large hotel conventions; Hilton standard at least. From there it gets sketchy, food is available from a studenty type restaurant but till like 4, then you've got takeouts from what I believe or the mini-mart on campus where you can stuff for later. Handy as there are microwaves in the kitchens at the student halls. And for the really hardcore twats out there, ovens! Yeah, check that shit out.

You can do what I did and get a chinese take-out on the Friday (furama palace I think) spend about £5 and get enough food to last you 2 days. I'm not joking, massive portions and value for money. Unless of course I had stumbled upon magic egg fried rice that never ends, stranger things have happened.

Conventioning
Holy feckerama, there's so much going on and I even managed to wangle myself into the Masquarade! The committee, or rather Ilpala was really sound about me getting in last minute; no groans or hiccups and for that I'm really thankful. I've even gotta hand it to GrannyGertrude for his announcement for me"Alan Gabriel from Big O- BIG-O BIG-O BIG-O!" A thing Big O fans get from the ridiculous intro sequence. That pretty much made it for me, and my first masquerade was a lot of fun. Big shout out to Tino and Rob for being legends with the facepaint emergency, muchos gracias.

The masquarade itself was a little unorthodox for me as I'm used to seeing one single stage, this one was all the way through the Student Union with several stop points and I'll be honest I was so paranoid about being as good as I could be that I probably ran through the entire thing like a coked out butterfly. The Masquerade briefing could have been a little better rather than a glorified role call -IT'S PRONOUNCED "VALLON"- but hey we got the gist.

Party-wise it was pretty hit and miss, catering to a lot of genres but again that's what the convention scene is about; varied tastes that generally hit within the mainstream of our collective tastes. I got my DJ Snap conventioncore set, which had me rave out like a Disco-Fu after an eyeball injectionful of DMAA. Something was pretty awesome about the Student Union Layout; if you didn't like the nightclub part you could go next door to the very warm and welcoming bar, play some pool, get a cheap ass drink, have your backdoor smashed in or be entertained by the hilarious bar staff. Saying the "drinks were cheap" is an understatement along the same depth as "Neil Armstrong was a cool guy" or "Mike Towers is a bit of a shady character", because how much better can you get other than Student Bar prices? I barely spent £20 the entire weekend, maybe £10 of drinks bought for me because I'm a classy mother hubbard like that, I probably consumed about half a bottle of Kraken Rum too and found myself nicely inebriated through the entire gig. I didn't get drunk off my face because due to the walks I'd have found myself waking up in a hedge or in a tree with a crown.. I'm looking at you Cid. I had quite a few shots called BackDoorSmashers which was essentially everything in a shot and tasted like a party in my mouth, you know the kind of party that ends with the police getting called round several times and someone getting knifed with a broken Pink Floyd CD.

As a conclusion, anyone who is into the convention scene needs to attend Amecon at least once and get in the deep end. Although not as glamorous as Kitacon it does the basics incredibly well and the sheer scale of the Con is not something to be missed. Though anyone used to a Hotel Convention will find the area difficult to cope with at first, once you nail the timings you'll be fine.

Pack a camera and take along a little more maturity than you would normally, this is one convention where you can get a hell of lot out of it. A lot of friendly faces and appreciators of the more obscure cosplays.

~Warai Otoko

Convention Review: Tokonatsu 2012 [Tents and Alcohol]

About this time two weeks ago I attended Tokonatsu which is essentially a convention where the accommodation is tents, in a field. £10 to hire a tent and free accommodation to take your own tent. This of course gets taken advantage of by those overcompensating nards who bring 18-man tents just for themselves.

I'll try to structure this as best as I can and not just ramble on like an angry lesbian in Burtons.

Accomodation:
TENTS. Fuckin' tents. You make it as comfy/rough as you want. Parking is limited but free.

Facilities:
One water pipe to service all 250 or so people on site. One. You know Dr. Rich thought they were kidding when he was told to take a cup into the shower to collect the sad dribble down the shower wall to throw over himself. Oh how we laughed.

Pack a shower cup.

Food:
You get free breakfast lunch and dinner, but trust me when I say it's quite spartan. For a 5'4 girl of 8-9stone, this is fine. But there was the stock up at tescos and the liquid diet I'll get to later. For someone like me there were the emergency McDonalds runs, and Toko actually provide a tesco run service and Dominoes Pizza so it's not like they don't give two flying shits about you. However they will not spoon feed you so it's up to your own sad ass to get up and make use of the available services.

Conventioning (Meat n' Tatties of the gig)
Toko being in a really nice campsite (no shit it's really fucking nice!) has a few outdoor events that any other convention can't do, such as Frisbee/battleroyale/extremestalk/waterfights etc etc and they're all unique to Toko. However the rest being the DDR tent, the Anime tent, and the drink yourself silly in your own or someone else's tent. No real parties as such, there's one but it's a campsite what do you expect?

Yes, you know it, you've been waiting for it and some of you mufflewumps actually skipped ahead to this; Alcohol. Toko does not have a bar, the entire event is a bar. We took a fair amount of booze and decided to  take it easy what with consistently being in the dehydrating outside. Powerade saved our lives, coincidentally did you know if you mix red powerade with vodka you get StealthJuice? Tastes like sweet fuck all yet gets you smashed harder than physics in my mind.

Overall Toko is exactly what it claims to be and delivers on everything it says it will. There's no hidden extras, no gimmicks and no complications. If you love roughing it, being outside and getting into it like Ray Mears doing Carmel Dansen, then Toko is highly recommended. Though I can guarantee you less than 10% of anyone who does cushy conventions, you know they kind, they have running water and beds and solid roofs; will not enjoy Toko.

What the 'Otoko says:
FUCK ME THE WEEBS. Weebin' here, weebin' there, weebin' errywhere. That aside, we met some really nice folks, and that again is down to Toko being incredibly down to Earth. You can meet someone and have a nice talk with them, hunker down and dismiss 9/10ths of the superficiality/crapola you'd get from most people at any other con.

Pack suncream, hygienic wipes, alcohol, deo and always get up early for breakfast. Any questions since I probably missed out a metric fuckton of shenanigans feel free to leave a comment and I'll reply.

~Warai Otoko

Anime Expo/Con + Alcohols: "Inebriation is Magical"

When you go to a convention or expo there'll be certain types of attendees. I won't get into the classification, just for one group; the Con Drunks. Generally you can find these bastards at the bar, always at the bar getting smashed before a panel or if you're at an AL event you'll find the con drunks wearing a con badge itching for the cheapest weakest babypisswater applejuice cider they can act tough with. Alright mate, put that kopperberg down before you hurt yourself.

Some of these wonders of society actually go to panels and do stuff. I'd like to think that I'm not a con drunk, even though I spend a lot of the time at one under the influence but then again I have the alcohol intoxication control of an anorexic straightedge long distance runner. Doesn't take a lot to get me drunk. But why do we turn up, get drunk at a place where we PAY to do stuff that is better done sober? Well, because it's fun, so shut the fuck up I'm not here to discuss why, go suck a dick.

Now here's someone to stay away from, don't even try to help this con goer because chances are you'll get yourself tangled in a right ass-hat of a mess. It'll happen just before the end of party/evening and you'll see someone (probably in a vocaloid or kingdom hearts cosplay) scream down the phone at someone and cry into it dramatically. Seriously, turn the fuck away, go to your room and go the fuck to sleep. You'd be a pretty daft vagina to go to them and ask if they're okay because holy shit their plan for attention worked! Guys, don't even think this'll get you any poon because if it's a girl she'll most likely spring a line on you so heartbreaking you'll think she's been stuffing pocky in her ear to make her brain taste yummy. Lines such as:

 - I only like Japanese people
 - Oh I can't! My heart belongs to Negiri Atshitsukehamayama-Kun
 - I'm bi, and that was one of my lovers on the phone
 - No my character would never do that!
 - Can I just be your pet?
 - You pronounced Onee-sama wrong!"

(These are all real lines btw)

Another group to stay away from, just ignore is the Walt Brigade. A Walt is, as the wonderful ARRSEpedia tells us a Walt is a wannabe soldier, re-enactment cnut. Push this to the storm troopers, elves, steampunk clique, or any group in some form of uniform. Not all are as bad as the ones at the bar who sing faux-war songs and shout out their rank as if they were in 'Nam, then again what do we know; we weren't there.. man. Just steer clear, or make a drinking game from how many times they do something cringeworthy like circle jerk or spray hot seedy ego boosts all over the highest rank; as if they were a bukkake party of salutes and "yessirs". I love storm troopers though, if they keep the full costume on cus that's dedication so I'd let them off for that.

My personal favourite drunk is the kind who doesn't know who what or where he or she is. Hilarious, because if you fall into this catagory you deserve all the trolling that's coming to you. Seriously the last guy I managed to convince his name was Rufus and he needed to fetch Scowny a coffee.

Generally what happens when you throw over dramatic and emotional unstable weebs in one place, add in every Bleach soundtrack then add alcohol is a lot of broken friendships. It happens every convention, it's like three stacked mountain goats couldn't see that coming.

~Warai Otoko

Ps. May post more on this later, you lucky lucky people.

Perspective

Every individual who has the gift of all (or most) of their physical senses, perceives the world in their own way. Some people see everything as it is, some see more, some see less. It's all a matter of processing the information presented to us.

You'll come across certain individuals who do or don't think about how they see the world and how the world sees them.

The introvert may think too much about it, and is paranoid as to how they'd be seen by the world. They stay quiet, on the sidelines and watch. They wait for the right moment to say something safe. The extrovert may upset a lot of people, but not care how they are seen. We've all come across someone who is both liked a hell of a lot, yet is tolerated at the best of times.

I've talked about how it is with the community, how suddenly you'll feel in a different world full of drama, turmoil and heightened emotions. What we see and how we are seen are not fixed and universal, and unless you max out your effort and try to please everyone you'll have as much negativity towards you as you will positivity. That's just how it is, some people won't like you just "because".

I don't mind anymore, or rather I don't care if anyone wishes to be superficial around me purely for my attention. I can see what you're doing and you're mistaking my apathy for blindness.

Try to please everyone and you lose your integrity. Act like you don't care and you'll lose friends, and if you don't think about what you say if you choose to gossip about someone's private life then you've already set yourself down a very miserable path. You don't get anywhere through talking smack or spreading rumours unless it's to remove obstacles out of the way or your incredible talent. If you're mediocre, bland, average, hell if your talent is even above average, great, amazing or wonderful; it's still not enough to pull you through if you're making yourself out to be a gossiping little shit. It all adds up. People may say they forgive and/or forget, but there'll always be that lingering feeling, how you've wronged them. You'd be very lucky if things go back to how they were, the best you could do is make something better than it was.


I don't usually type things without it inherently having a purpose or message. Otherwise what's the bloody point, I'm not here for attention or to show you how hilarious I can make metaphors like how the last time the Tory party all pulled together was in the showers in the boys changing room at Eton college. Hell I can't even tell you what to do because then I'd be a douche for telling you what to do and softer than Mr Stay Puft at an opium den.

It used to be that we'd have a handful of friends and slowly branch out, the faster we gain friends the faster we lose them. Anyone you have known for less than a week is not your friend, they're someone you know. Though I could easily extend that to months, years even.

If you're not hurting anyone, go do what you do. There'll be haters, and that's their problem not yours. But if you are making someone's life difficult then you're just a c*** aren't you.

Just think about it, not a lot. Just enough.
~Warai Otoko

Ps. Fuck you.

Merchandise and Cool Stuff

Most anime/manga fans have some kind of badge/headband/scarf/gratuitous scarring of some sort to tell the entire world of their hobby, as if they enjoy rubbing it in everyone's faces with calloused knuckles. If it's not the cosplayer who wears their outfit for no real purpose other than meeting friends in town, it'll be that douche with the naruto headband or Elric jacket. Hell I even saw one jackass with Kamina glasses, which just made him look like a white Squirtle. Use your sweat blaster attack!

As part of that crowd I kinda can't help but do it too, and I hope I'm not one of those wet sacks of blubber with what I own. I've got a very worn down DBz wallet which either gets me looks of disgust or lots and lots of conversation from hidden DBz fans. At one point I had a huge stencil of The Big O on my satchel, though a lot of ham-brained idiots thought it was transformers, the fucking numpties. But that's as far as I'd go, because we'd only have those items for one of 2 reasons; We properly love the series/item/character or we like the accessory. Anything else makes you one of those attention whores who hopes someone will notice their Ciel plushie and green wig (seriously, why the green wig!?) and go "hey you like watching the manga too? What anime do you read?". Let's face it, if you've ever put on anything and thought "I hope people notice me because I'm advertising this media" you may as well tattoo "DOUCHE" on your forehead. You can use your naruto headband to cover it up.

Sure you could plaster yourself in plastic crap like some kind of christmas tree that tokyopop vomited on, or you could go to geniunley decent places like Nerdycupcake that sell various awesome stuffs that doesn't make you look like you'd buy any old shite as a token of credibility. Seriously, go there now and check it out.

Most of the time we have the T-shirts that have some ridiculously niché meme, of which this is funny but I swear to Odin that one that has any reference to 4chan earns you a one way ticket to faggotcity. What a lot of people don't realise is that if you wish to be closer to your anime/manga, then stop caking yourself in merchandise to decorate yourself like a single woman in a mid-life crisis, and start wearing quirky yet nice things! Nerdycupcake. Doooo it.

Before I sign off, I wanna say what's worse that the pissbuckets who wear shit just to get noticed. Not only do they lower themselves to the standards of the free-huggers; a sub-species that has been proven to only have <10% brain capacity which puts them at the same level as a mentally handicapped spider monkey, but for fucks sake.. why are you absolute bastards when we do actually notice you've got an alchemic array on your glove or we saw your cowboy bebop shirt? It's not enough you just jizzed your pants because you got the attention you hungered for but you have to be a knob about it too? Being too nonchalant and blasé that you come across as patronizing and elitist, well you can fuck right off. Then fuck off some more, and when you've fucked right over there, fuck off again. You fuck. I once complimented a girl on her anime theme jacket, I got a dirty look and an inaudible response. I mean it would have been completely perfectly fine for her to have done that if I had my hand down my pants gripping my junk hard and asking her if I could smear a fine layer of my seed over such a sweet jacket or that it would have made a decent rag for my weeping third eye. But I'm quite sure I didn't bring my tackle into the conversation, and before anyone goes "But she might have been shy!" Bullshit, bullshit comes out your mouth you arseface. Why don't I bend over whilst you blow smoke up my poopshoot too because there's a hell of a lot of weak-ass pricks using that "I'm shy" excuse to make life easier for them. And no, she was not. She was just an ass.

~Warai.

The Misuse of Epic

I'm sure there's something floating about the web that tells the faggots who over use the word "Epic" just what epic is. The ocean is epic, Bear Grylls is epic, almost everyone on the Badass of the Week site is epic. Yet you, you there with the emo flop premature comb-over and the nyan cat t shirt, you are not epic. 

I do funny things, like once I convinced a girl that if she licked a drinking horn enough she could stick it to her head, or the time I did a front flip in a dance tournament and ruined the game. I got told I was epic for that, and I had to convince myself that's just gratuitous praise and not to smack them with a dictionary and rant at the unconscious crumple that if I were "Epic" I'd have summoned the forces of Heaven, Hell, Asgard and a Gurhka Soldier to aid me in said dance tournament (let's be honest, I'd have still lost).

Someone uploads a video to youtube, with no obvious talent or skill, yet throws out crap about their fandoms as if they wrote/drew/animated/slept with the sponsors/printed the media themselves. Someone, obviously lacking in proper judgement, tells them they are epic. Sound familiar? Unless the youtube video has a clip of the talker in a dimension where one must fight a centaur to the death with a Klingon Bat'leth in order to win the right to talk about their fandom, then no my fuzzy plebeian, no, this is not "epic". 

I was recently told of someone at a previous convention who got drunk, danced then had a funny picture taken of them sitting at a table in a cafe/shop/homelesss shelter/kennel (I didn't give two flying shits) in full cosplay, and that it was epic. Okay, maybe some folk see things differently in their heads, but if you want to know what it's like to get Epic at a convention I'll introduce you to my friends Cid, and Crimson. You'll wake up with a head full of regret, and feel like you've lost several years of your life span. "Epic" is not without consequences, that's why it's Epic.

There's also the debate on "epic cosplayers", so I'll lay out my basic guideline on how to rate them, starting with the base line, the standard cosplayer. 

These guys may or may not buy their stuff online, and look like every other cookie cutter cosplayer of that character. Nothing special, just that character. But that's okay, if somewhat chronically lacking in imagination and aspiration, they set out to tick the minimal amount of boxes and that's what they did, as if they have a quota on how much ink to use in their box ticking pen. They look like that character, job done, look at me, I'm a fuckin' sheep. Nothing "Epic" about it, just "A Cosplayer", nothing more, nothing less, doing exactly what you should do and unable to break past that. 

A little bit of imagination goes a hell of a long way, and it's a risk that the brave or the stupid take, mostly the stupid. I've mentioned before on how hit and miss this is, but when it hits it'll hit hard. 

I'm going to use a Cosplayer who most of us know of, I hope you don't mind me writing about you Xaerael. He's won some big time prizes for his stuff (go look them up, you ass) and this is my personal opinion of why; he not only takes on some ridiculously tough projects but two in particular; Nina Tucker and Skekskil hit a nerve; Nina because her story is incredibly sad, tragic yet so very twisted, the sight of that particular version of her evokes an emotion many individuals would rarely feel. In layman's terms it's like feeling like wanting to cry, vomit and get angry at the same time... I'm so sorry for that analogy, Xaerael. Skeksil is from  a movie that uppercuts a fistful of nostalgia right in me taint, seeing that reminds me of that epic fantasy movie and thus evokes that rare emotion. Putting aside that Xaerael is a master of props and all that shenanigans, I'm not talking about the quality of the cosplay, but what the cosplay is. The quality part of the cosplay should already exist from the base of the Standard Cosplayer.

There's nothing wrong with looking exactly like your character, and in the process like every other person in that costume. You're all doing a fantastic job of showing your love of the character/costume, no really, well done. 

I don't have the answers on how to stand out from the crowd, or how to enhance your cosplay. All I can say is think about what other fans of that character love about it, but not the yaoii/yuri weebs, or any weebs. A little imagination, and love for what you do goes a long way. If you're fulfilling the minimum criteria there's nothing wrong with that, you'll just fade into the background. 

It might just be me, but I find that sometimes some people talk about things as epic when they want it to be so much more. It's only highlighting their own disappointment.

~Warai Otoko

No More Nice Guys/The Creep

Sometimes it seems like there's two distinct worlds. One of the normal folks who go about their daily lives like everyone else, then that of the anime/manga/cosplay community. Sometimes the contrast is subtle, sometimes it's as stark as mistaking a pint of Vodka for Water. Sometimes it's such a contrast, that you don't even see the differences because you're so immersed in it; a blinding tunnel vision of stupidity, and when you finally take a step back you realise it doesn't really matter if someone on the interblags mocked your taste in animu.

Here's something that starts off in the muggle world, falls down the anime "rabbit-hole" then lands face first in Wonderland on a trident to the eyesockets which blinds everyone to the faggotry of it all. 

You know that thing girls say, or even some guys say "I wish I could find someone nice.."? That's fucked up isn't it? There's no nice people, ever, you dickwads. We're all malfunctioning meat machines who bludgeon our way through life with as much grace as a drunk Disco-Fu with a cudgel. 

Sometimes we expect too much, sometimes we think we know best, that if we try our best to be nice, to be there for someone that they'll develop feelings for us and we'll win them over. High aspirations and trust me when I say you're not ready for the fall of rejection. 

Rule 1# No-one ever won someone over with their own feelings alone.

If the other person does not reciprocate, you're dead in the water.

You'd think that this would be common knowledge, like trying to stick gaffa tape on a wet surface, trying to mix oil in water or integrating your average hardcore AnimeLeaguer into a non-deranged-weaboo-y group without expecting blood. However you've got to give credit to the determined ones, who believe outright that if they pursue and pursue, they'll get their rewards. Maybe he/she will think of a romantic plan, spend time, money, effort on something nice with the hope of reward... Sounds nice, right? How many of you think this sounds nice, and how many feel a bit sick at that thought? I'm betting the ones who don't think it's nice have experienced just that.

Rule 2# Going to measures which cost time/money/effort and expecting something back in return isn't sweet, it's manipulative.

Do you really think that's attractive, to emotionally blackmail someone? Do you really think that's the epitome of selfless?

At this point the nice guy look, or girl for that matter, is goes down faster than the ratio of girls to guys at the average AL cosplay clubnight. Enter the Disillusioned Creep; this one is actually a nice person but for the life of him/her has no clue as to how bad they're making themselves look. 

An ex-gf of mine (Ahahaha fuck you, yes I am able to find a partner despite being retardely crippled in the empathy/emotional parts of the brain and several other non-essential human traits) once launched a rather viscous, yet hilariously weak attack on someone I was seeing at the time in order to try and "win me back". Now think about this for a second, how fucking retarded must one be to assume human beings work like magnets? inb4howdotheywork, the thought pattern "If I eliminate the one in my way, he'll have no choice but to come back to me!" The sentiment is quite sweet, really. But that's a level of crazy I simply don't want to get into, and trust me I dabble with crazy how I like honey; I like it errrrrywhere. But I'm still gonna think that girl is a fucking nutcase, yet she was a perfectly adjusted normal girl.

I'm not gonna type this and pick a side, because I'm greedy, I'll take everything or nothing. And in this case I won't pick a side. There are enough girls and guys out there who lead others on, who like to have in depth conversations with you about douchenugget #428 that treats them like shit and yet you're the one who gets the brunt of their whiny drivel. If only you can box up the verbal diarrhea that comes out and send it to douchenugget #428 with a "THIS BELONGS TO YOU, YOU ASSBAGEL. xXx" stamped on it. If only.. 

I know it fucking hurts to be there for someone for so long, only for them to get with a real ass-munching dickwad of a turdburgler when you know that you are 10 times the person they are. 

Rule #3 Complaining there's no nice people, then stamping out whatever little goodness there is in someone because you're so wrapped up in yourself is unforgivable. 

The world would be a better place if we stopped putting ourselves first, and thought about others.

At this point the Disillusioned Creep goes one of many ways, two in particular are the most common choices. He/she may surface out of the animu world and realise their actions have been that of incredible dumbassery, or he/she may continue and turn into that creepy son of a bitch; that next-level weapons grade unbelievable creep who gets a reputation and has to be mentioned so he/she isn't invited to certain things.

I've tried to help some of these individuals, I believed it was the right thing to do. But it didn't take long for me to realise I may as well go kick some shit with a pair of new shoes for all the good I was doing. Some people just don't want to, or can't learn. It's not their fault, it's not our fault, it's just how they are.

We all know someone like this, the kind of person who says the same line to everyone he or she meets to evoke sympathy.
"No-one likes me.."
"I've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend"
"They all hate me for some reason"
"All my friends turned on me for no reason"

Any sane person would have warning bells flag up, but give that person the benefit of the doubt before they reach a conclusion. I would, you should, and a small minority of assbagels would stupidly only go on someone else's opinion of someone else which is strictly positive OR negative, not both. So these weird ones continue thinking they're not doing anything wrong; invasion of personal space, being too comfortable/friendly, overstepping boundaries etc etc. Sound familiar? These idiots are partly responsible for making a lot of people look bad as it's always easier to remember the negative.

Sometimes we all need to stop and think for a moment in the terms of the society we live in. We are in the UK which aims for a multicultural, polite and sensible society. There isn't any room for asking people you barely know very intimate questions about themselves, pressuring the opposite sex (or same, whatever) into breaking down because you came on far too strong and relentlessly, intentionally making someone feel bad to get your own way or sending them crypic anonymous letters like some 18th century mincer.

Stop thinking about how you can get what you want, and just be nice. Don't take things so seriously, and for the love of Odin be realistic. 

On that same note, for my fellow men who've had to deal with years of bullshit on the "I wish I could find a nice guy like you" line, I feel your pain.

Here's Rabbit with a cover of Bad Religion's "Dearly Beloved" for those of us who've been there yet refuse to let it consume us.

~Warai Otoko

As a Cosplayer

At one point in my life I used to try and cater what I say to everyone, that had me crash and burn out because there's just no pleasing everyone. So I thought I'd just cater to the intelligent folk.

[Quick note before I launch into this; for you pricks who thought I was complaining in my last post, go suck a dick. That was a review, an observation, written in the way I write. If I ever complain I do so to the relevant persons so I don't waste my efforts. All of this is a form of journalism and blogging, you morons.]


This post is about hostility between cosplayers. It is not about what constitutes good/bad cosplay, nor is it a rant telling people what they should and shouldn't do. The fact I have to spell this out makes me not want to live on this planet anymore because some cretin will come along, get butthurt and completely miss the point.


Staying "middle of the road" does nothing to convey one's message, it's simply directionless waffle. I chose to play the Devil's Advocate or to be more concise; be vocal about being the Devil's Advocate. Many of you have thought about the things I say already, I know this because it's started more internet arguements than Religion, Drugs, Animeleague, and Goku vs Superman.* This proves that many people have thought about what I say.

*For the record Batman would fuckin' kick everyone's ass. He's the Goddamn Batman. He'd absorb Goku's energy attacks with his relay gauntlets, use the energy to pull a meteor out of orbit with a network of WayneTech Sattellites and plough that 72megaton space nugget into Goku's nutsack after having him chase ghosts and shadows on the dark side of the motherfuckin' moon. Don't even get me started on how he'd bend Superboy over and Leeroy Jenkins his internal organs with the Batfists.

I'll try to explain as much as I can because I've never actually seen anyone articulate enough to take the time and spell it out for everyone to understand. You see I'm a cosplayer, holy crapola no shit son. I don't claim to be the best, I have my strengths and weaknesses much like anyone else and I have my own reasons. I'm the kind who works to his strengths and has fun with what he does. However I see many who make it sound like they're not really having fun at all, and this confuses me. Why would you go do something to bitch and whine about it afterwards? Oh yeah, internets! Oh you!

In my last post I mentioned something about random fucknuts in certain accessories who claim they're cosplayers, many seen at Expo. There are no rules on cosplaying, but a couple of themes and I'll explain;

 - Have fun in what you do. It's about having fun, because the only other reasons you should be doing it is because it's a favour to a friend, or you're getting paid to do it. If you're doing it for attention, you're pretty much an attention whore, superficial, shallow, uninteresting and knowing you is more of a chore than a friendship.

 - Love the character, love the costume, or both. I'll not claim you should know the character, some of us properly fall in love with the outfit before we know anything about the character. Hell, the Japanese make a pasttime about getting into hobbies and knowing nothing about it (case in point is Gunpla, you get hobbyists who've never watched one episode of Gundam, yet love the mechs, models and putting the kits together. They don't even intend to watch an episode.) Again, reasons why you wouldn't do it for these two reasons fall into a favour, or getting paid. If you're doing it for the sake of having people take pictures and swoon over you, then you fall into the catagory I like to call the "Jeremy Kyle Guestlist".

Those two pretty much cover it, and it's not limited to Anime/Manga. Some people I know do it for movies, Sci Fi, TV, Internet etc etc. It's a massive spread of media.

But understand this; there are many who put more effort into these costumes than you could imagine. They may not be the grand elite, they just love what they do. Imagine how they feel when they see obvious n00bs at an event who've half-assed a cosplay. Sure these faggots are new to the game, but we're not talking novice mistakes, we're talking "I'm pretty sure Captain Hitsugaya has white hair, not a brown ponytail.." or "Hey, I know I don't read Kuroshitsuji, but did that kid with the eyepatch wear converse?". Seeing individuals who half-ass it, throw on a random wig, dress up in faux-lolita dresses and end up looking like teenie whores who've magnetised themselves and rolled around in Claire's Accessories, all of that is a bit insulting to many cosplayers. All this hard work we put in gets trampled on.

I know many cosplayers who go as far as changing their body type to be able to cosplay certain characters. I'm not saying everyone should do it, I'm saying be aware of the level of dedication some people put in. We can tell how much effort someone has put in, trust us, you don't wanna know how hardcore some of us get in this hobby.

Those who are blatantly out for attention/social acceptance I perceive in the same light as free huggers/douchebags who hold up signs to explain their cosplays/that school bully who couldn't read/assbagels who only stick to their own little cliques/hardcore AL'ers/alcoholics or people who like to be known as an alcoholic*. Basically, it's stupid, unintelligent, unoriginal, immature and just sad.

*Real Alcoholism is horrific, and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. It's an addiction and destroys families and people in the same way that using bad Japanese in your sentences destroys any shred of respect I have for you as a person, human, lifeform, mass of protoplasm, worm fuel. To brag that you are an alcoholic is stating you simply enjoy alcohol, you douchebag poser.

Excuses don't wash either. Such as "I'm Naruto when he's at his Bah Mitzvah" or "I'm cosplaying Guy Shishio if he was at the sexual health clinic" or "This is my Master Asia when he's at the beach".. Shit like that makes me wanna tear a weeb apart with a clawhammer, it's just excuses. Especially when it's so out of character. Maybe.. MAYBE you'll get away with something like "This is Ichigo cosplaying Zangetsu"; in fact I saw two truly inspired ones last Kitacon: Garrus Vakarian and Thane Krios from Mass Effect as Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction. Both characters are badass, and it's just makes sense, hats off to Manticore and Manjou. They nailed that harder than Thor with itchy hammer arm.

We've seen adaptations, some good, some bad. Some we can't help such as the gender transitions, and gijinkas. However I'm pretty sure than a pikachu gijinka wouldn't show underboob. Pikachu just isn't a "sexy" pokémon, unless that's just my personal tastes.

If you do find pikachu a sexy little bastard, then follow me on Twitter and read my brain farts since you're already a sick bastard it's not gonna do any more damage.

~Warai Otoko

MCM London Expo May 2012 - "No shit, son"

Coming to my blog and asking for a good review of the Expo is a bit like going to a Halal Butcher's and asking for a pork chop and a pepperami, you may as well be eating a bacon sandwich at the time.

So what are you here for? Ah yes, the inevitable grilling of a meatgrinder for logic that is MCM Expo. Bear in mind, you douches, that certain things here are fact, and certain things here are my opinion. Learn to distinguish the two, or do one.

Now, for all I've said about free huggers, I must say I'm actually impressed that I barely saw any. Sure I saw the shitty signs they made which looked like it was made in the special class with the broken crayons, but for me it felt like a significant decrease. So well done you plebs, your ranking in my books is less negative than usual. I did get glomped, by one little girl but I'll let her off. That level of joy for my character I was cosplaying was genuine, I just wish she could have used words and sentences but when you're a glomper I guess many neural connections are fused solid with stupidity. I'm kicking myself because I never got a picture of her friend's despair face when I turned her down for a hug. Bugger.

I had plans, and actual passion for stuff for expo once. I even had it prior to this expo, but as I got there it faded fast and I found myself pinned under the gravity of apathy. I just wanted to get out, and you know when you get that mini-sick in your throat?

Getting the tickets was okay, but a pointless queue after I got my ticket was just.. wtf.. I feel like asking for that time back. Literally queuing for nothing, I may be delicious with hot sauce but I am not livestock. But let's gloss over that.

Entering expo hall, holy crap I almost facepalmed so hard I tickled my brainstem with my elbow; Yaoi Guy RIGHT THERE. After all the complains about this dude, and they call ME a troll. I am, but I gotta hand it to the organisers for Trolling me and the other 10,000 attendees back. Placing a vile douche who screams and shouts about non-hetero sexual cartoons as the first stall on entering? A family event where you hear "GLORIOUS MAN SEX" Either this really is a troll or someone's getting the world's best reach-around.

The hall itself got packed, ridiculously packed. Wall to wall stupid meat shuffling around, I kinda think that the pointless queuing beforehand was a gentle way of grooming us into being livestock. It was actually interesting to see people walk in, take 5 steps then turn right and head immediately for the exit with a "FUCK THIS SHIT" expression. The Irish guy behind me said, and I quote "Feck me sideways Gary, ye said this was about anime not a clusterfuck. Shall I take me clothes off now, because I know someone's getting shagged in this feckerama."

Feckerama. Irish Guy, where ever you are, you sir are a Legend.

I don't see this problem of volume ever getting solved, it's gonna get packed in harder than that storm trooper and his armour with the 18 stone swagger.

Some other shit happened and some shit didn't happen, nothing really interesting about that. I can say that Security for the swim event, and the swimmers themselves were very pleasant and straight forward. They did have a point for moving the sitting Expo attendees for blocking a through-fare, we can't argue against that.

What did happen that I've just heard about is a little bit more serious than free hugs and that faggot who called my cosplay a Slenderman, lurk moar newfag, is that an attendee of the Expo went home with a broken leg. Put your pocky down, and read that again. Many of you may know a douche who drinks petrol called Crimson (nevermind the fact that he gets his alcohol from me). As they were walking his friend suddenly faceplanted the floor and let out a yell that pretty much told everyone in the 7 mile radius he wasn't fucking around. An open unmarked deep drain, took a couple of hours for the ambulance to arrive and the nearby hotel staff came out, looked at the drain, herpaderped and then covered it up/put signs up/stuffed the yaoi guy in it and cemented it over [/Ifuckingwish.]

Also this from Crimson:

Hotel Douche Staff: Yeah, that's dangerous.
*Geoff is screaming in pain*
Me: NO SHIT ASSHOLE.

Now, I hear this is the jurisdiction of the ExCel, NOT Expo for giving this guy a shattered knee and a bad Skyrim meme for the rest of the term of his injury. We wish him all the best and hope he gets better soon, and that the douchebagel who left the drain open gets a honeybadger to the crotch.

Well done ExCel. Well done.

Something else that hounded me all weekend was that I didn't see many stunning cosplays, sure there were tons of knobheads in wigs, but no amazing individuals milling around in the crowds. I didn't want to stick around for the masquarade, I wanted to go talk to someone about their freakin' awesome costume and all I saw was the same carbon cutout mass produced monkeys that were kicked through Tokyopop. I know for a fact that there are amazing cosplayers at the Expo, yet they choose not to be in the crowds or go round the expo hall much. Instead they have photoshoots away from the event itself. As these individuals create a void, the uneducated masses and have-a-go cosplayers take over the event.

For a moment, think about what just happened in the past 5 years. Anime and Manga got a hell of a lot more accessible, the younger crowd got involved and to those of us who have been in it for a while or from the start it all looks so superficial. That's how elitism begins. It's also how that undying urge to sock an L cosplayer right in the kidneys starts off.

MCM Expo is the event that caters for the masses, from the novice to the intermediate. The hardcore, veterans etc will find it annoying and a pain in the arse. The heavyweight God-Tier cosplayers go to showcase their works of art due to the size of the event.

This is where conventions come in, for those of us that have gone past Expo and need something else. I don't want to promote hatred or incite mob mentality for anyone who works really hard and it's clear that the  Expo staff work pretty hard, even if some of them are arsebagels. However they have a target audience, and if you didn't like the expo then you fall into a minority for them which is outside that target audience.

What I'm saying is support your conventions, and go all out at those events. They give you so much more and they're always a hell of a time. It makes me sad that Kitacon won't run till 2014, as that is by far my favourite. Where else could I get drunk, do a front flip, ruin a game, and win a pony all in 10 minutes?

(Ranzatsu, please do another Con! Hell I'll even do that satirical panel I said I'd do on how to deal with weebs. I'll make it so funny I'll get sued for multiple internal organ rupture from making the audience laugh so hard they have to sign non-disclosure forms and wear mandatory catheters as they'll fucking piss themselves senseless.)

There's so much more love for cosplay, anime, manga, games and the whole culture at a convention that makes Expo feel heavily watered down, drawn out and stuffed with so many idiots that I feel if I stick around any longer than 3 hours I need to get to the bar to kill my braincells with beer before the ambient stupidity does it for me- I'm looking you twats dancing at the exit to the ticket hall, picked a more inconvenient spot to dance? Yes? Go die in a fire, you make me want to tear my spine out through my mouth and beat you to death with it.

Now, if you ever used the line "Expo was like kicking away horseshit with a fine pair of Italian loafers to get to a bar of gold at the bottom, and by that I mean I only endured the feckarama to see my wonderful friends" or similar, then link this blog to your facebook and for the love of David Hasselhoff's glorious chest hair use the word "feckarama" in your daily vocabulary.

~Warai Otoko

Expo Hax

I won't be buying much, if anything at the Expo. I find the notion of paying for overpriced plastic as appealing as buying an ex girlfriend more lingerie she'll wear for someone else, again.

So I'll tell you how I haggle.

Know what you want and how much it costs. Then approach the seller with how much you want to pay in your hand 20% less is usually fair (take into account their mark-up) and an extra £5 or £10 in your pocket. Smile, and be geniunely interested in what you're buying, make it sound like "it's going to a good home". Ask how much it is, or if it's a lot of things, ask how much they are altogether. Then what deal the seller can do for you, this is important, make it sound like he WILL do you a deal; You're not asking for a deal, you're asking him the price of a deal he hasn't agreed to. As soon as he tells you a price, BAM there's your agreement he'll do a deal. With the money you have, say "I've got this much £, and that's me done for today" (Again, assume he'll do it at that price). If you're lucky, you'll have closed the deal there. If they go "Mmmmmm.. I can't let it go for that price" fumble about and get out your emergency £5 or £10 and then go "Okay I really want these" and see if you close it. If you STILL don't get that deal, walk away. You tried, there's no point in paying full price for that now.
Good lines to use:
"It'll save you packing it away and the petrol needed to take it back with you unsold"
"That stall over there sells it cheaper, but it's not as nice as yours"
"What's your best price for me to take them all right now?"
"I'm not coming back to hassle you for the offer if I turn it down, I'll buy it or walk away, so what can you do for me right now?"
"You'd totally make my weekend, and I'll be the only one asking for it"

Should save you buggerlugs some pocky money.

~Warai Otoko

A Fun Game For All!

This May MCM Expo I can't say for definite if I am to attend, however I'd like you all to play a game for me.

If you like Schadenfreude then this is right up your street.

If you are approached by a free hugger or anyone that insists they hug you as if pressing their sweaty body upon you will grant them the strength to plough through another box of pocky, say No and take a picture of their rejection face.

Upload, or e-mail them to me (click here you silly moo) and I'll go ahead and display my favourites. Winner recieves a drawn picture of them beating up a weeb in whatever manner they wish, runners up win a cola, or something.

Extra points if you manage to get one of the following out of them, or anything else that's mega awkward
 - Non-contact hi5
 - Praying hands and bow with "Namaste" (Hindu style greeting)
 - Make them do 5 pressups before a hug (Walk off before they get up)
 - Elbow to elbow touch
 - E.T. Style finger tip touch
 - Russian Cossack dance

Follow my twitter on https://twitter.com/KoheeKuma
For updates and such, along with general douchery and information on what kind of cats I like best.

~Warai Otoko

I'm actually quite a pleasant chap, so slam it.

Okay so that's me blowing my own horn again, but I do mean it. You'd think that being a cantankerous cynical bastard (with as much faith in the human race as I have with the BNP's plans for social ethnic integration) would leave me friendless, hated, and chased out of many settlements with pitchforks, fire and the likes. But I do have a bunch of crazies who genuinely like me and I can't say I'm not surprised at times.

Maybe it's my absolute intolerance for stupidity which filters out the idiots from my life, I can't say it's black and white since I'm still seeing some pretty dumb-ass shit on my FB feed right now. I try as hard as I can to understand things from other points of view, some just aren't possible because I don't really feel like lowering my IQ to single digits with the help of a nasal pickaxe to understand what some of these plebeians I flame hard think about.

I've been doing "this" gig for quite a while now, about 7, 8 years now. Although this hasn't been as long as some people, I think I've experienced enough to write about it with such conviction. The Cosplay/Anime/Manga events I've been to over the few years have been fun, some were just lame beyond reason, some were plain epic and some I should have taken a depleted uranium tank shell to for all the faggotry that I saw/heard. 

I don't claim to be a veteran, to be honest I'd rather not be since many have forgotten what fun is, and just sit in the corner nursing a snakebite/pisswaterapplejuice-aka-Strongbow whilst sharing housewife gossip and then claiming that their little group had the most fun and were the bestest best group in the history of groups at that event. Go fuck a duck, maybe that way you may register as interesting on the grand scale of things.

However sometimes you think maybe the new ones should be told that they're being annoying little faggots by regurgitating/pumping old memes and funnies with plasticy formaldehyde and making the corpses of dead jokes dance in a twisted revolting fashion. I'm talking to you, girl stood smoking outside Nemacon 2011 with a paper sign saying "the game", trying not to make eye contact with anyone. How do you like throat cancer? Because you're gonna get a face full of it bumming that ciggy with little stupid breaths. Maybe you averted your eyes because you didn't want to see the faces of everyone thinking how stupid you look, maybe you thought you'd substitute reality with imagination, either way I now think you love the American rap artist; The Game. 

Regardless, stupidity is stupidity. If no-one calls it out we'll be knee deep in a vomit coloured constituent of pocky, yaoi paddles, bad fanfiction and cosplays that is a wig and nothing more. Buying the wig does not make you that character, it makes you a douche in a wig.

~Warai Otoko

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